I just had a terrible realization...

[The Voodoo Chicken]

Sooner or later someone is going to come up with the technology to engineer 3 dimensional computer monitors and television screens and you damn well know that some flat out freaky 3D porn is gonna be the first fucking thing that hits the market.... and I really don't think I can masturbate to 3D porn.

It seems like there is something about the lack of depth perception that comes with standard two dimensional porn that tricks my brain into not minding that Buck Angel actually appears to be only five inches tall... but 3D seems like it would be too real... like having a real five inch tall little person in a box getting freaky with Bill Cosby in a little tiny wading pool full of JELLO™ pudding.

That would just seem... weird... and I likes me some Bill Cosby and some freaky and I especially likes me some puddin', but you must be at least 96 inches tall for me to pretend you are strapped on to this ride... unless of course, you are two dimensional -in which case, me and my 2D lack of depth perception just don't give a fuck for some reason.

As you can see... this is a major problem and I have lost a considerable amount of sleep over it (it's now 4:30AM here). We all know that our ability to masturbate on, near or in stuff is what drives all major technological achievements and in fact, arguably -evolution in general.

For example, do you like that DVR that automatically records all of your favorite TV shows, streams your favorite music and movies and even allows you to share home movies and photos with distant relatives and family?

Well thank your dad... and Traci Lords and miles and miles of VHS tape. Because that's where all that shit started and only gallons upon gallons of Vaseline® and mustache wax kept that dream alive.

If we can't masturbate to 3D porn, then we have no use for this technology and it will surely die out... and if 3D technology dies out we will never finally see the day when we don't have to see the day, but instead remain locked in our cyberpods with all the comforts of wi-fi and 3D avatars pretending to have real lives with fake people we have never met.

In short -WE MAY NEVER REACH OUR DESTINY AND FULL POTENTIAL AS HUMAN BEINGS!

Then again, maybe I'm different... maybe all the rest of you freaks have absolutely no problem gettin' a little imaginary stank on your hang down over two tiny little dolls in your TV set... of course, this would allow the technology to thrive and people like me would become the weak link in the chain. Human enough to want to masturbate on, near or in things -but not freaky enough to rub one out to two little doll people... mutate and evolve or be erased from the gene pool...

Anyway... uhm... yeah... kinda lost my train of thought there.

Nevermind.

[johnny boy]

I bet with 3D porn they'll be able to take the "cock" out of POV and allow the viewer to put his own junk right in the action. The monitor would become sort of a "green screen"...though jerkin' off with those glasses on is going to be awkward.

[The Voodoo Chicken]

Will we have to wear glasses?

I'm concerned that I might accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or something and then I'll see me sittin' there with my dick in my hand and these big dopey glasses on my face like a fuckin' dork and suddenly realize how sad the whole thing is... of course, that image will be forever burned into my brain and I will probably have to put my 3D porn viewing glasses in my box of broken dreams along with my wristbands and break dancing pants.

The future of humankind does not look good, people.

[Frog Tuner]

Hahahahaaaa serious stuff VC.
Just embrace it, 3d midget midgets are going to be like totally the in thing And they'll have wicked accessories so that you can actually fuck these 3d thangs, all in the comfort of our very own pods as you say.
Meh, gimme the real thing anytime.

[turbine712]

VC, I really don't know if I want to spend much time between your ears. There's something creepy goin on in there. Just sayin.

[The Voodoo Chicken]

Hold me. I'm scared.

[Rivalrys]

There was already a story about this somewhere a few weeks ago...

Porn has already begun shooting or preparing to begin shooting 3-D porn....using the same tech ESPN will be using to broadcast sporting events in 3-D.

Bukakke porn is gonna be insane!!


personally I am waiting for Hologram Porn

[johnny boy]

If you need a hug VC you'll have to put your dick away first.

[Hoyt]

I support these 3d midgets as one step closer to robot fuck dolls. These entities are essential to human survival. There are already too many people on this planet, and they will help thin the numbers out. Damn shame though the catholics still won't use birth control methods.

[bbjones]

Originally Posted by The Voodoo Chicken

Will we have to wear glasses?
....

no.

all answers to how the future will be can be found in schwarzenegger movies.

embedding disabled, jump to 5:15





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[Anonano]

Yeah but think about Avatar porn...

[Ziphead]

'Caligula' director to make 3D porn film

ROME -- Longtime Italian erotic film director Tinto Brass on Thursday announced that he would produce what he called the world's first-ever 3D pornographic production.

Brass, 76, best known for his 1979 film "Caligula," which he directed in collaboration with noted author Gore Vidal and magazine publisher Bob Guccione, said the time is right for 3D technologies to be used to create an erotic film. He noted that the project, which he said will be the world's first 3D erotic film, will also be the first 3D film of any type made in Italy.

Brass said that with the film he plans to "revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans, and go from there," a reference to "Caligula," which he has criticized because of hard-core sex scenes added during postproduction without his consent.

He said he would start work on casting and the script immediately, and that he planned to start filming in May or June.

[Thizziest]

[serpentax]

don't knock it before you try it.

[Demise]

Originally Posted by Rivalrys

Bukakke porn is gonna be insane!!

That got me thinking, when the dude busts a load in the scene, will it just blast off somewhere? Am I going to try and dodge it and trip over a table and break my fucking neck?

3D IS FUCKING DOOOOOOOOOOOM

[sbgarner81]

When I was a kid I remember watching the Cosby show and holding my Nintendo controller thinking how cool it would be if I could control the television program like a game.

Voodoo is right this 3D shit isn't going to work. The gaming future is in virtual reality. And not that faggy lawnmower man shit either. More like Brainscan or that other movie that I can't think of the name right now. There have been numerous movies illustrating this theme.

[sbgarner81]

Originally Posted by sbgarner81

that other movie that I can't think of the name right now.

Strange Days!

[Montrealmlr]

Games will be the killer app for 3D technology. The market is nowhere near pron but big enough to make it work.

By all accounts, games in 3D is a success so far. If the sets were prohibitively expensive, it would fail but they are cheap compared to other display technologies when they first came out. I get the feeling if you buy a new TV 3 years from now it will most likely be 3D.

Pron is by far the #1 driving force of technology but they're rarely at the front of the curve. Pron people don't fuck with platforms that don't have a good install base...they just want money.

[Mahwahs55]

omg it would be gross. Imagine her boobies and vagina all up in your face while youre trying to jerk off?

must be fucking annoying.

[skarz]

3d porn will be great.

i plan on pranking my friends by playing porn on the middle of the table during their thanksgiving dinner

"please pass the stuffing, its right next to the girl getting fucked in the ass" "hey guys, thanks for having me over. the food is delish"